if we suddenly fall, should i scream out?
by wcrmtails
Summary: "You start thinkin' like you're invincible, like nothing can touch you. Nothing to lose." For the tumblr prompt: a Star Trek au where Bones is the one in the volcano instead of Spock. Jim Kirk/Leonard Mccoy


**A/N:** The title's from the song Death by White Lies.

Some of the lines are taken from the movie, changed around to fit the situation.

Why is Bones in the volcano you ask? I don't know! Who knows! Not me! But here we are anyway.

I've only ever written spirk, and literally never written Bones at all, so let me know how I did?

* * *

After stealing a sacred scroll, running through a jungle with an entire tribe and one extremely peeved first officer after him, jumping off a cliff into some pretty damn cold water, and swimming back to the _Enterprise_ , all Jim wants is a nap. A nice, long nap, with no interruptions, a pile of warm blankets, and maybe even a warm body. His teeth are chattering as the water slowly drains, leaving him and Spock to shake themselves off like wet dogs. He's shivering, out of breath, and a little bitter about the whole thing. He shakes his head, water flying off him. A few hit Spock and he can practically feel the Vulcan's affronted look burning on his back.

"We're gonna have to have a _talk_ about what constitutes as a ride and when to tell me about it," he huffs as the door opens, perfect timing so he doesn't have to hear his first officer's response to that. As soon as it does, Scotty starts rattling off about how the salt's going to ruin the ship, but Jim doesn't pay a single word he's saying any attention. He's only worried about one thing.

"Scotty, where's Bones?"

"Still in the volcano, sir."

Jim stops breathing. He sways on his feet, stumbling slightly. Still in the volcano. That's not right. He shouldn't still be there. He should be on board by now, volcano frozen over. He should be _safe_. He doesn't stop to think about what this means as he takes off for the bridge, Spock on his heels.

When the turbolift opens, he can feel the tension in the air. Fuck. It must be bad. He turns to Uhura, trying not to let the panic show. He feels a little bad about getting Spock demoted over being emotionally compromised right about now.

"Lieutenant, do we have an open channel to Doctor McCoy?" It comes out in a rush. He needs to hear him. He needs to know he's alive, that he's okay.

"The heat's frying his comms, but we still have contact."

Jim moves quickly to the control panel. "Bones?" His voice is hard, if only because he's making sure it doesn't tremble.

"About damn time. I've got the thing activated. You gonna get me out of here any time soon?"

 _That's the question, isn't it?_ Jim turns to Chekov and Sulu. "Do we have use of the transporters?"

"Negative, sir," Sulu answers.

"Not with this magnetic field, sir." And there's Chekov, delivering the last blow. Jim takes a deep, steadying breath. _Fuck_.

"I need to beam Bones back to the ship. Give me one way to do it." This time, his voice comes out with some of the desperation he's feeling. There's no way he's letting Bones _freeze to death_ in a _volcan_ o. That's just not going to happen. Spock can prattle on about no-win scenarios all day, but Bones, Bones isn't one of them. He'll never be one of them. He's the only thing Jim's got going for him.

"Maybe if we had a direct line of sight we could-"

"Hold on, wee man. You're talkin' about an active volcano," Scotty interrupts before turning his attention to Jim. "Sir, if that thing erupts, I cannae guarantee that we can withstand the heat."

"I don't know that we can maintain that kind of altitude," Sulu adds.

"The shuttle was concealed by the ash cloud, but the _Enterprise_ is too large. If utilized in a rescue effort, it would be revealed to the indigenous species," Spock's voice from behind him, the proverbial last nail in the coffin.

"Are you saying I should let him die? That's not gonna happen. There's got to be another way."

"None. Such action violates the Prime Directive."

"As much as I hate to agree with the hobgoblin, he's right. I'll be fine, Jim."

Everyone in the room knows that isn't true. Dead isn't fine and that's exactly what he'll be. Jim wants to scream.

"Seriously, you're going to start caring about the rules now?"

"You're gonna get your ship taken-"

"I could get _you_ taken away from me!"

There's a few moments of silence on the bridge. Jim's body is all tension, standing rigid. This can't be happening. This argument, whether or not he's going to let him _live_ , can't be real.

"Jim-" before he can finish, the channel cuts out and Jim's heart plummets to his stomach.

It's a blur after that. He can't stop to think, or else he'll crumble. He keeps going. Finds a way to save Leonard; the Prime Directive can kiss his ass for all he cares. This is the one thing he can't fail at. Everything that came before this falls away, seemingly unimportant. Saving the Earth seems like a small accomplishment in the face of losing this. So he does what he needs to, no matter what the cost is. If he loses the _Enterprise_ , he loses her.

* * *

Jim's feet barely hit the ground as he comes running into the transporter room. His lungs burn in an effort to draw air, heart beating a terrified staccato against his ribs. There's a _squeak_ as he comes to a halt, panting slightly, blue eyes wide and alert. All his air comes out in a rush, relief flooding over him as he sees Bones standing there. Alive. Behind him, he can hear Spock enter the room, but it barely registers.

" _Bones_." It's a breath, barely a word at all. In the next moment, he's moving until he's in front of him. Water drips down onto the transporter pad as he reaches forward in an aborted motion to touch, hand falling back down to his side, shaking slightly. There's a _click_ as the helmet comes off, allowing Jim to see Leonard's startled eyes better. "You're alive."

A moment passes, nothing but their breath and the slow shifting in the room. Jim has never truly seen him scared. Sure, he's seen him on a shuttle. He's seen him go white knuckled on the seat in front of him, a litany of curses on his tongue. But he's never seen this abject terror. He swears he can feel his heart beating a million miles an hour from underneath all that metal and fabric. But then it shifts, down into a half hearted scowl.

"Dammit, Jim! You just broke God knows how many regulations. You violated the _Prime Directive_."

Slowly, a grin stretches over Jim's lips. He steps back, slightly. He's not really a fan of personal space when it comes to Bones, but it's safer, in front of the crew. Not to mention the fact that the suit is quite literally smoking.

"What, no 'thank you'?"

A roll of hazel eyes, but Jim can see them soften slightly. God, that's a sight he'll never get sick of again.

"You expect me to thank you? Now I gotta deal with this mess. I was looking forward to sipping tea with God."

Jim can practically feel the question Spock wants to ask from where he's standing behind him. He gives a small wave of his hand. A _don't worry about it_. The Vulcan's mouth clicks closed.

"It's good to have you back." He opens his mouth to say more, but he's interrupted by the _beep_ of his combadge.

"Bridge to Captain Kirk," comes Uhura's voice, purposefully clipped. Her and Bones aren't too close, but he knows she's worried anyway.

Jim gives a small sigh, hands still shaking slightly. "Yeah, Kirk here. Go ahead. Bones made it on board."

He swears he hears the smallest sigh of relief, whether or not she'll admit to it later.

"In that case, tell him it worked."

"Cool. You hear that Bones? Just saved a world!"

There's a quiet grumble. "Great." And just like that, everything is back to normal.

* * *

Until it isn't.

When Jim gets out of the shower in an attempt to wash the salt water off of his body, it's to see Bones sitting on his bed, head bowed between his knees. One hand is shoved in his hair, mussing it up. His eyes are closed. Jim's pace slows, dropping off his dirty clothes in a pile to take care of later. Carefully, he sits himself down next to him, his arm coming up to rest around his shoulders, fingers curling against the fabric of his shirt. A warm feeling settles in his chest when Bones leans into him, just slightly.

"What's up?"

It's quiet for seconds too long. When he finally speaks, Bones doesn't bother to open his eyes.

"I almost died, Jim." He swallows, finally blinking his eyes open, turning slightly to meet Jim's gaze. There's something haunted behind them. "Thought I'd worked through it, accepted my fate and all that shit you hear about. But then your fool ass saved me and I don't... I almost _died_." His voice is quiet, hoarse.

Jim's breath catches in his chest, his own head dipping. He knows that. He's been trying not to think about it. Trying not to remember the terror that had crawled its way up his throat, strangling him until he couldn't breathe. The life without him that he got a glimpse of. Of course, it hadn't really helped anything. There'd been nothing else to think about. Maybe it's totally selfish, but even the prospect of losing Earth hadn't shook him down to his core like this had.

"Yeah. I know." There's not much more he can offer. He's never been good with the whole emotions part of a relationship. Especially not in this. He can't make up something about how he's alright, so it doesn't matter. Because to do that, to try and pretend any of this is alright, would be pretending he isn't just as scared.

"You start thinkin' like you're invincible, like nothing can touch you. Nothing to lose. But dammit, in that volcano… I had everything to lose. I coulda lost _you_. No more of… this." There's this helpless little gesture in the air, but Jim gets what he means.

"I know," he repeats. And god, he feels awful that he can't say more. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say, and he knows he's failing right now. For as much as he feels, as much as he gets what's going on in his head, he can't form the words. "I know." It's quieter this time.

The only thing he can do is reach for him, free hand coming to rest against his jaw. Thumb rubbing lightly over his skin. It's Bones that leans in, catching his lips. It's soft, but there's something desperate in it. Jim gets it. He kisses back, eyes slipping shut as he draws him closer. Bones's arms come around him, palms warm on his back. His chest aches with how close they were to losing this. Besides the Enterprise, he's about the only good thing that's happened to him.

Jim pulls away, but only to push him back onto the bed, settling over him. It only lasts a few more heartbeats before he's rolling over, settling beside him. Right now really isn't the time for anything beyond this. Right now, he'd rather reach over, hand sliding under the loose fabric of Leonard's shirt, settling over his heart, the steady _thump_ a reassurance beneath his fingertips.. He presses another kiss to his lips before simply tucking his head against his neck, nosing slightly at his jaw, eyes closing again.

"Hey, you're safe now. We're good. Not gonna let anything happen to you."

These moments are rare. Sure, there's no lack of affection between them. There's been sappy moments, plenty of emI love yous/em. But between them, teasing and jokes are their way of saying what they don't have to. There's only a handful of times Jim can think of that they've been completely serious like this. Very rarely is it after something good happens.

Bones doesn't say anything, just letting out a soft sigh, curling into him. That's rare too. Jim can't complain. Sometimes, he has to be the protector too, as much as Leonard likes to mother hen him half to death. Their soft puffs of breath and the low hum of the engines are the only sounds. Since the lights are already off, he lets himself drift. Not asleep, but holding, breathing. Lips brushing against the other's neck with every movement.

He's not sure how long they lay there awake, barely shifting. But eventually, he can feel Bones's heartbeat even out, his breath coming in shorter intervals now, and he knows he's asleep. Carefully, he lifts his head. Looking down on him a moment, one hand coming up to card lightly through his hair, still endearingly messy. He leans down, pressing a kiss against his head before burying his face against his hair, breathing him in. Home. Safety. Everything he'd never had until him.

"I've got you," he murmurs, grip only tightening even as he relaxes. emI've got you; I love you/em, he thinks, even though his lips won't part around the words, a heaviness washing over his limbs. So they sleep, in their own little corner of space, limbs in a tangle until you can't tell one from the other. As it's always supposed to be.


End file.
